Saltwood 24

The following is a work of pure fiction intended for Saltwood Cricket Club members only :)
If you are of a sensitive nature, please do not read these pages.

For Saltwood Skipper Billy Crumbie this is going to be the longest day of his life...

The following takes place between the hours of 6.00am and 7.00am on the day of the Saltwood boot fair.

6.04 - Andy Lewsey arrives at the ground. He looks at the code on the Mower shed and tells John Howland he will need thirty minutes to crack it. Howland tells him that they don't have that sort of time. Boots will be arriving soon. Howland gives him ten minutes.

6.06 - A Black car pulls up to Steve Ellyatt. The door opens and he is thrown into the back of it.

6.11 - Special Agent Ken Lewsey now arrives at the ground. He empties torn up pieces of paper onto the outfield. They blow away and he denies all knowledge of Psycho's whereabouts.

6.17 - Special Agent Andy Lewsey opens the Mower door. The Wheelbarrow is missing.

6.22 - The Wheelbarrow is now found over by the entrance. Special Agent Crumbie suspects this is all part of the conspiracy. Special Agent Oakes tells Bilial to stop being an idiot.

6.27 - Special Agent Lewsey opens up the Pavilion door, and is greeted by the smell of vomit.

6.28 - Special Agent Oakes finds the vomit under a radiator. He immediately calls Special Agent Alex Rice, and tells him he has a job for him.

6.30 - Special Agent Alex Rice runs to a phonebox, puts on his 'Rice is for lovers' T Shirt and races to the ground.

6.32 - A closer inspection of the Pavilion is undertaken. Special Agent Cookie notices that there is no milk. Special Agent Crumbie notices that his beloved availability book is missing. Special Agent Oakes spots that the bunting has also disappeared. Special Agent Crumbie maintains that the Wheelbarrow is part of the conspiracy. Special Agent Oakes calls Bilial an idiot again.

6.35 - Minister for Bunting Tom Rice receives a phonecall from Special Agent Oakes. The phone rings eleven times before he reluctantly answers. He asks Special Agent Oakes if he knows what time it is. Oakes explains the Bunting situation and Rice leaps from his bed.

6.39 - Special Agent Alex 'Pollock' Rice arrives. He puts on his glasses, cordons off the 'scene of the vomit' and begins work. He checks for fingerprints and traces of carrot.

6.40 - His brother, Tom Rice arrives, and Special Agent Oakes explains the bunting situation to him. Tom Rice starts to cry, and then punches a hole in the home dressing room. John Howland calls Special Agent Tom Riley and asks him to make some Bunting, using some A4 paper and some colouring pens. Riley says it will take him an hour. Howland says he has twenty minutes.

6.47 - The first cars start to arrive at the ground. Special Agent Ken Lewsey offers to go and direct traffic from the bottom of Tanners Hill. He disappears.

6.52 - Special Agent 'Morgan' Oakes now arrives. He has his orange top on and is ready to direct cars. He is unaware of the recent dramas.

6.59 - Tom Riley arrives with some bunting. He races through the Pavilion. Minister for Bunting Tom Rice pulls out his magnifying glass and inspects it. He decides that this bunting is satisfactory and immediately a team of workers begin setting it up.