Saltwood CC 2006 Tour

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4th Saltwood Cricket Club Tour

Yes folks, the 2006 tour will see us in Norfolk taking in the splendid delights that that Great Yarmouth has to offer. We'll be staying in the heart of the town at the Hotel Elizabeth.The touring party will depart from Kiln corner on the 3rd August and return, battered and bruised, on the 6th.

End of tour reports

Will Crumbie (Winston 1)

On the pitch Winston's tour did not go entirely to plan. He began by slapping a 14 year old to backward point for 1, a dismissal he manfully blamed on Nikki. As if to punish Nikki further, he announced on Saturday lunchtime, after spending the morning on a romantic boat trip sending endless texts to the vice skipper, that their romantic day off was to be cut short for another game of cricket. His second innings was twice as successful as his first, but after useful earlier spells, Winston struggled with the ball in the final game. As he was hit for the fourth consecutive boundary he urged his teammates to ‘offer some encouragement.' The best most could muster was ‘it's almost tea' and ‘we're going home soon'. Winston captained well throughout, just about managing to contain himself after the Wood again contrived to lose their opening match against a team that both 15 year old Bryan Washer and Luke Under 13 would have been too old for.

Off the pitch, Winston led by example. He won a round of crazy golf, sung a disturbing rendition of ‘I touch myself' and provided the quote of the tour. On asked whether he was going to go and see Snakes on a plane when it comes out, Winston replied, ‘Is that the 9/11 film?' The stuff of legend. As always Will was the model pro. A brilliant organiser, and if it wasn't for him, none of us would have visited Great Yarmouth. Bastard.

Adam Tumber (Leeds-Tumber 2)

Adam assumed the role of minister of fines and predictably took his job incredibly seriously. He was even spotted sleeping with the fines book clutched to his bosom. His tour began poorly, firstly by appearing with a misjudged ghottee and then by getting himself run out without facing a ball in beach cricket. He showed all his competitive instincts in repeatedly charging in and running out the girls during the game.

Adam began the tour with a big night, wandering around Great Yarmouth with his shirt provocatively hanging from his shoulder. He took a hit for the team by sharing with Easty, but their partnership was not a happy one (particularly after Easty won the bloody crazy frog) and they split up on the Saturday after Easty seemingly destroyed their hotel room door. It is unclear who was happier with this split.

On the pitch Tumber bowled well and aggressively and swept repeatedly without ever looking like hitting the ball. His banter was strong and he proved an entertaining and valuable tourist.

Richard East

They say what goes on tour, stays on tour, and certainly a few of Easty's teammates may have wished this was true of him (or at least his crazy frog). In truth Easty was good value, and from his first comment (“So what's Weston-Super Mare got to offer”), it was clear that he was assuming the Gambo role. He took the abuse aimed at him in good spirits, and deserves credit for continually coming back for more. His conduct at the Greyhounds was shocking however, and the photos tell you all you need (or want) to know,

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On the pitch Easty performed excellently. Constantly spanking the bowling around and providing valuable runs. He fielded well, although usually out of earshot. If these are to be his last appearances for the Wood- a good way to go out.

King Kenny

Kenny's tour began with the news that he had a ‘new lady'. By this of course he meant his new Sat Nav machine, which presumably meant that the Wood would never again get lost on the way to an away ground. The first chance to test this out came on Saturday when the entire team followed Kenny on what appeared to be a scenic tour of East Anglia . Concerned teammates phoned each other, each time reassured by the news that ‘Ken's got Sat Nav.' Even the Rices recognised that the team might be going the wrong way, but still we carried on. We eventually arrived at the ground after a lengthy drive to be greeted by the news that the Sat Nav wasn't working today and that Kenny's car had effectively been guessing their way to the ground.

The rest of Kenny's tour was more successful. He was the best bowler on Thursday and got valuable runs in the second game. Whether playing Jenga, going for late night walks with Frodo or bowling with his cap on, Kenny remained one of the most popular members of the touring party. A true team man, he also ensured that no touring member was ever thirsty.

Ian Oakes (Dobber)

A bit like Marcus Trescothick, Dobber is not always the happiest tourist. After spending 2000 getting spanked around Somerset by Rusty (yes, I know Ian, you hit a six as well), he then managed to go through the 2002 tour without scoring a run. Things did not look like improving after his first fielding performance on Friday. A low point came when he went to pick up the ball on the boundary only to see it bounce of his foot and gently roll past Lewso who was backing him up. Even passing the ball back to the bowler seemed to be a problem as all coordination faded from his body. At one point Winston was spotted phoning Sparkesy on his mobile to see if he could get the next train down to Great Yarmouth to fill in for Dobber on Saturday.

Perhaps buoyed by a night at the arcades, Ian's form improved dramatically over the weekend. He bowled well on the Saturday, at least until he got spanked for four by a 14 year old and he tried out his off spin on Sunday. Ian also took a good catch behind the stumps and as one of the ever-present tourists excelled once more in offering banter and abuse to his fellow teammates.

more to follow.......